Moab

 

A year or so ago Britain spawned two of the most unlikely crack climbers the world will ever see; 'Wideboyz' Pete Whittaker (the talent) and (Coach) Tommy Randall (the enthusiasm) trained for hours in a dark, dank Sheffield cellar with contraptions only seen before on a twisted climbing site known as widefetish.com (this is a real website before everyone gets concerned about the link being NSFW, although it may still be) rarely visited by the sane.

Before leaving the UK I ensured to hassle 'Coach' Randall about his top tips for successful crack climbing. It didn't take him too long to provide the less than helpful answer (although eminently sensible) "climb a mile at every width". For those of you not familiar with the various widths for a crack climber (i.e. you're either a) a parent or b) a sport climber through and through), cracks are usually referred to by the appendage required to climb it (the term climb is used loosely here):

• Thin fingers
• Fingers
• Off-fingers (or baggy fingers)
• Tight hands
• Hands
• Loose hands (off-hands or baggy hands)
• Fists
• Off-fists
• Offwidths - we're starting to get nasty here, nothing fits, nor will YOU fit inside the crack in question
• Squeeze chimney - OK, one may fit, but barely and dependant on how much air one intends to hold at any given point it may be impossible to move, consider swimming vertically and trying desperately not to slide back down as there is almost certainly no gear. Helmets must be removed if you wish to rotate your head at all.
• Chimney - at last, you're inside the thing and it feels (almost) natural. One can probably see light, which often helps (and is not a given in a squeeze)!

All of these are required in or around the Moab region to reach the summit of the unique desert towers dotted around the landscape.

The impracticality of climbing a mile at each 'width' prior to leaving was compounded by selling our faithful steed far faster than we'd intended. Instead, a few hours at Millstone (the Peaks' premier crack climbing venue) had to suffice (as well as attending Wildcountry crack school via Youtube of course), although it's fair to assume, it didn't, leaving the distance climbed better measured in metres than miles.

Arriving in Moab the weather (which turned to heavy snow in Colorado), was anything but settled. Rain and wind made it impossible to climb for the first few days until finally, we managed to start. Ancient Arts is one of the easiest towers taking a cunning line to a false summit atop of the Fischer towers (which are akin in structural integrity to a wet sand castle in the incoming tide). Usually Ancient Arts is very crowded due to its unique summit but given earlier weather conditions, we were alone and soon topped out on the pinnacle, each taking turns to lead across the exposed ridge, onto the diving board and up to the summit proper. However, I didn't quite manage to coax Nat into standing up (the gusting winds weren't helping my case).

Next up was the 'Kor-Ingalls' on Castleton tower. The night before we both anxiously examined the topo, for this route had the notation OW next to one of the upper pitches, denoting an 'Offwidth' crack. The lower pitches went smoothly, apart from the first gear sacrifice of the trip, a 0.5 Camalot that walked so far into the crack I could barely see the tape, depositing us beneath the OW pitch. Much grunting, a little whining and more of my body in the crack than usual resulted in upwards progress whilst maintaining a conversation with someone else suffering on another route deep within the crack. We couldn't see each other but our feelings towards the respective pitches were mutual. The Kor was done.

'Fine Jade' - not strictly a tower but instead a desert Mesa offers fine thin crack climbing up the face of 'the Rectory' opposite Castleton tower (the archetypal desert tower). Our first few attempts at this route were aborted, the first at the car park due to rain, the second at the base due to wind. Being British we stubbornly refused to return to the car with winds gusting and 4 teams bailing in front. Instead we waited for a fresh and eager team to fail horrifically (being blown off on the lower pitch) before deciding to try again another day. When we finally made it back to the base, the first pitch (OW) handed out an education in 'wide' to us both, causing us to question making further progress towards the hardening pitches above. Thankfully, finger cracks is one thing we're not overly short of in the UK and the harder climbing seemed like a breeze compared to the flared, wide nonsense below.

Indian Creek (the single-pitch, crack climbing Mecca) is situated about an hour or so South of Moab. It'd be rude not to at least drop in. Given the cracks at the creek rarely vary in size from top to bottom an extensive rack is required, with suggestions per route of up to six cams of the same size. With our newly acquired double rack, alternative tactics were required. The first, and most sensible tactic is to make friends with other people, pool cams and enjoy the sanctity of plugging in gear every body length or so. However, once again the weather played its hand and dumped a load of snow in the desert causing everyone to flee to warmer climates. Plan B requires leap-frogging, two cams of a given size are walked alternatively up the crack offering a modicum of protection but no mental relief until the finish. Plan C was to pick off the few routes requiring a small yet varied rack, this we did quickly and whilst the creek remains a place I (not Natalie) would like to be educated at further, for this trip we were done.

Our main objective for the area (the creek) was 'Lightening Bolt Cracks' on 'North Six Shooter', a short route with a frustrating approach (one car destroying, the other soul destroying). Picking the latter, we arrived at the scene of what was to become another education in crack. Pitch one went OK, but pitch 2, fingers to fists to wide-fists had us both struggling immensely. The 3rd and 4th pitch eased slightly and all that remained was the final squeeze, which is meant to be combined into pitch 4. Instead, I brought Nat up for a front-seat view of my terror. It turns out I really don't like squeeze chimneys. Thoughts of climbing the outside of the crack lasted a split second before it occurred to me that really, I had no choice other than to squirm into the looming crack above (the bisons skull lodged in the base of the crack did little to alleviate my concern for what was about to occur). Remembering a blog post of a friend on the same route, everything large on the rack was slung from my belay loop and the squirming, jumping and humping began until I was firmly inside of the crack itself, stuck. Ah yes, the helmet was impeding progress (it was soon jettisoned to the back of the crack with most of my other gear for Nat to deal with on her way past). Squirming resumed depositing us both on yet another desert summit.

How do larger people climb squeeze chimneys? I simply have no idea. 

Our final objective was on Moses tower and posed yet another hurdle; access. Everyone else in the desert had the sense to be driving a high clearance, 4x4 vehicle NOT a low slung, family wagon. Given the van had a fair while further to last we decided it best that we didn't start off-roading in it quite yet. Instead we had to suck it up and approach via the alcove trail, roughly 6 or 7 miles each way on sandy desert river washes. Again the weather decided to disrupt us by raining on Day 1 and baking us on Day 2 (having walked in and climbed the first pitch and a half we bailed due to the blinding heat). Sat at the base sulking (after being visited by a hummingbird taking great interest in our fluoro helmets), we noted that the corner system of Primrose Dihedrals offers shade from 3pm onwards. The walk back to the car was less fun knowing we'd be back the following day (at least having stashed the bags at the base). 

Day 3 and all things looked well. As before, the first few pitches were climbed in the blinding heat but soon we were on a large shady, sloping ledge enjoying lunch looking up at the impeccable sandstone corner system that dominates the bulk of the route. Pure jamming turns to laybacks and then back to jamming for pitch after pitch of stunning climbing leading to one of the better desert summits. We filled out the summit register and hastily rap'd off in the last of the light, getting our rope stuck and therefore landing us back on the ground at dark. We began the slow walk back to the car, soon realising that all of the desert wildlife comes out at night, this contains but is not limited to rattle snakes and scorpions, of which we saw many.

The desert was done.